Communication

 FAMILY RELATIONS 

NOVEMBER 20, 2021

09
Communication

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Jocelynn Linton

Welcome back! Today we are talking about one of the most important aspects to a successful and long lasting relationship. There is almost nothing more detrimental to relationships than a lack of communication. I'd like to go over two things today in regards to proper communication. Firstly, why it is so important, and secondly, five effective ways to go about communicating successfully.

First, the importance of communication. Let’s go into why communication is so essential to every aspect of our lives. Everything we do and every interaction we have relies on good communication. Whether that’s verbal communication, or non verbal. Such as body language. People have relied on these skills for as long as we’ve been on earth. However in recent years people have been getting worse and worse at exercising these. Technology has made our natural habits become difficult and awkward for many people. Often, couples are driven into terrible arguments or even apart because of bad communication skills. We as people often make the mistake of assuming that we do not need to spell everything out because the other person must see things the way that we intended for them to. However, this is rarely the case. What may seem clear and straightforward to us could and often is completely misinterpreted by the other if we do not use effective means of communication to clarify and eradicate confusion. One important thing to note, that many people unfortunately do not understand, is that there is a very big difference between hearing and listening. Just because you hear something, does not mean that you were truly listening. Listening implies giving your undivided attention, and involves both verbal and non verbal cues. Such as making eye contact, nodding and repeating statements to make sure you understand and they know that you have understood. 

We will now discuss the Five most effective ways to communicate. More popularly known as The Five Secrets of Effective Communication by David Burns. The following passage is an excerpt from his book, “Therapist’s Toolkit”.

“The Disarming Technique: Seek and find some truth in what the other person is

saying, even if it seems totally unreasonable or unfair to you.

2. Empathy: Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to see the world through his/her eyes.

a. Feeling empathy – Acknowledge how he/she is probably feeling. For example, (husband speaking), “So then the clerk told me to go to the end of the line and that was about all I could take.” (wife speaking) “It sounds like that must have made you really angry.”

b. Thought empathy – Paraphrase the other person’s words. For example, (wife speaking), “I have fourteen things to do that all have to get done by noon today, so I would love to have some help with some of this!” (husband speaking) “You have a lot of things to do today, and you could use my help right now. Is that right?”

3. Inquiry: Ask gentle, probing questions to learn more about what the other person is thinking and feeling.

SELF-EXPRESSION SKILLS

4. “I Feel” Statements: Use “I feel” statements, such as “I feel upset,” rather that

“you” statements, such as “You’re wrong!”, or “You’re making me furious!”

5. Stroking: Find something genuinely positive to say to the other person, even in the heat of battle. Doing so conveys an attitude of respect, even though you may feel very angry with the other person at the moment.”

These five steps are things that do not come easily to people. Especially when in the heat of an argument. But, that only makes them that much more effective. 

I hope to grow my ability to easily and effectively use these five steps, and I’d invite each of you to do the same.

Have a great weekend everybody, and see you all next week!