Marriage Expectations

 FAMILY RELATIONS 

OCTOBER 30, 2021

06
Marriage Expectations

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Jocelynn Linton

Hello Everybody! Today’s topic is…marriage! Just like every single other topic in today’s world, the views on marriage are very different nowadays than they have been in the past. People are getting married less, married for different reasons, and divorce rates are higher than ever before.

Why do people get married? In the past, people married for money, political advantage, family alliances or security. Now days, things are very different. Most of the time, people marry for love and intimacy. Intimacy is so essential and important to our mental and emotional health. When you are marrying someone, you are binding yourself to them. This is a very beautiful and sacred union that often comes with many hopes and expectations. It is very important to make sure that all these expectations are realistic and reasonable. Marriage is not easy, and unfortunately many people do not realize that not everything is going to be perfect all the time. 

“If, for instance, you expect that your spouse is always going to make you happy or that your relationship will be invulnerable to infidelity, your expectations are unrealistic (Getting Married).” Having and holding to perfect unrealistic standards and expectations will ultimately only lead to heartbreak and frustration.

Another thing mentioned in the study, was that even if both you and your partner both have completely reasonable expectations, if you don’t discuss them and clarify before marriage, it’s not going to help. Many people often skip some of the most important conversations before deciding to marry. Before even thinking about popping the question, it is of utmost importance to know exactly where each other stands on important issues, such as finances, family, religion, etc. Skimming over these major conversations is not wise if you are hoping for a fulfilling and long lasting marriage. In the Getting Married book, it talked about something called, “private contracts’’. This is where you both have things that you expect out of the relationship, and just assume that your significant other signed on to the same things when they married you. This can be with little or very big things. From the decision that your action figures are allowed on the fireplace mantle or Whether or not you're having children. In a marriage contract, there shouldn’t be any fine print.

Marriage is a very big deal, and is not something to be taken lightly. You don’t have the privilege of being selfish when it comes to marriage. It’s not fair to your partner and puts a tremendous strain on everyone involved. 

One thing that was discussed in class this week was that marriage is very different from any other relationship. Even couples who have lived together previously can attest that a marriage relationship is much different. When you marry someone, what is yours becomes theirs and what’s theirs becomes yours. This is a wonderful and special thing, as long as there is clear communication and trust. One thing that changes when you marry someone, is that you’re going to be together…a lot. This is an amazing opportunity to grow closer to your spouse and further develop the bond and relationship. However, when you marry someone, everything changes. Many little things might pop up that you never noticed before. Their little quirks that you thought were so cute in the dating stage might start to really get on your nerves. However, learning to compromise and get over these minor things is of crucial importance if you hope to tackle the biggest issues that are bound to arise. 

Spending quality time with your spouse as well as going on regular dates, and having important and oftentimes difficult conversations is very important to a happy, healthy, long lasting relationship.

Sources:

Getting Married. (n.d.). In Intimacy in Marriage and Family Life: Section 3 (pp. 180-181).