Boundaries in the Home

 FAMILY RELATIONS 

OCTOBER 1, 2021

02
Boundaries in the Home

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Jocelynn Linton

The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines boundaries as, “unofficial rules about what should not be done : limits that define acceptable behavior (Webster).” In almost any family, no matter where you are, there are boundaries and rules, both spoken and unspoken. These are what govern a family and ensure order and respect.

Recently, my Family relations class had a discussion on the different types of boundaries that are set by families. My professor used the analogy of three houses. The first house had a brick wall surrounding it. It’s lawn was immaculate to the point of discomfort. With chain link fences and barbed wire. Barred windows and bullet proof glass. The second house was in complete disarray. There was a half finished lopsided fence, the door was wide open, no windows and a messy yard. Finally, the last house. This house had a nicely manicured lawn with some toys and flowers. There was a beautiful white picket fence with a gate.

Now, what exactly do these three houses represent? The first house demonstrates impermeable boundaries. Unrealistically strict boundaries that cannot be crossed without extreme consequence. Children raised in these types of houses are often prone to be more rebellious and not come to their parents with any issues they may have. There is no room for negotiation and respect is often one sided.

The second house shows diffuse boundaries. This is also a difficult situation because there is no clarity in where the children stand in regards to the parents. The children of this kind of household often deal with fear and doubt because they lack the structure and safety needed to have a child rearing conducive atmosphere. When there is nothing for the child to grasp on to, they are left feeling isolated and overwhelmed.

Lastly, the house with the white picket fence. I love what my professor commented on this house. More or less he asked, “Why are picket fences pointed? Because they have a subtle but clear message.” These are known as permeable or clear boundaries. This is the ideal setting because while there are rules in place, they are not overbearing. They are firm but fair. Children have been shown to thrive in this sort of environment. 

Thank you so much all you lovely folks for reading this blog post. Feel free to let me know in the comments your thoughts, questions, or opinions on this weeks discussion.